North State Singles Ministry
single and lonely
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Lonely?
Loneliness is common in American society.  It doesn’t matter what age you are or whether you are married or single.  

Loneliness is more widespread than most of us realize.  It just isn't something we want to admit to others.

We become lonely when our need for a close, caring relationship is not met.  

What does loneliness feel like? 
One person put it this way "It feels like I am invisible.  I can't connect with anyone.  I feel isolated from people even if I am in a crowd.  I have no social support and feel like those around me do not want to take the time to understand me."

God designed humans to be social and to love and care for each other.  So we all need friends who will notice us and care about us, try to understand what we are going through, and provide the necessary support.  

Loneliness can hurt your health...
It has been linked to poor immune functioning, elevated blood pressure, higher levels of stress hormones, lower sleep quality, obesity, alcoholism and drug abuse, and even dementia in older adults.  Loneliness also diminishes the brain's executive functioning, making it harder for lonely people to control their desires.
God setteth the solitary in families….  Psalm 68:6

True or False?

1.  T   F   Singleness and loneliness go together
2.  T   F   If I am lonely it is my fault
3.  T   F   Social skills are important to avoid loneliness
4.  T   F   One of the biggest causes of loneliness is divorce
5.  T   F   A close relationship with a pet can take the place of a human

Answers
1.  F       Some of the loneliest people in the world are married.
2.  T or F It may be your fault or it may not be.
3.  T        If you turn people off you will drive them away
4.  T        Divorce is a major cause of loneliness
5.  F       An animal cannot replace human companionship, but it will help.
CAUSES OF LONELINESS IN SINGLES
*middle-age and older 
*can’t find anyone to connect with
*moving 
*death-best friend, close relative, the one who loves you the most, your child, your pet, your spouse
*divorce 
*boyfriend/girlfriend dumps you
*a friend betrays or turns on you
*unable to fit in
*loner personality
*personality that repels people-no social skills
*don’t know how to make friends or haven’t dated in years
*unforgiveness, leading to strained relationships
*waiting for someone else to give your life meaning
TIPS TO DEAL WITH LONELINESS

1. Go to God.  He cares for you more than anyone else will.

2.  Accept it as part of being human- it’s actually normal in certain situations.
   
3. Take inventory of yourself…are you turning people off?

4.  Do volunteer service in your community.  Help people around you.

5.  Deliberately recruit for friends.  Take the time to develop relationships  with   
     people.  Remember that quality rather than quantity makes life fulfilling.

6.  Learn to enjoy being with yourself.
THOUGHT QUESTIONS
1.   What constitutes good social skills?
2.  How can you learn to like being alone?  
3.  Are you willing to lose your selfishness?
Take this test to see how lonely you are

CLICK HERE
Read this after taking the loneliness test

List Causes 
If you scored 25 or above on the test, list the possible causes of your loneliness.  Can you do anything about it?


List Solutions
List possible solutions to fix the causes you listed:



Action Needed
From the list of solutions, pick one and start working on it!

God cares, He will help you!
I pray God helps you through difficult times.
That God gives you joy and a smile that shines.
That God lets you know how important you are.
That heaven is close and not that far.
Though we live in dark days.
God will walk with you in all your ways.
God loves you and you are not alone.
Just call out to Him on your Jeremiah 33:3 phone.

(Jer 33:3)  Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.

by Dale Lee Gordon